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ERAP YELLS
"CUT!"
The report alleges that El Presidente de la Republica de Banana,
Humungus Moronus Erapudus, was awakened by his advisers and given the
news about the war in the Southern part of the country. The fellow
was reported to have reacted by yelling "CUT, CUT!!",
actions reminiscent of his previous career as a screen action star.
Alas, to no avail.
are you tough enough to click on this?
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Dozens of Philippine soldiers die in Mindanao
clashes, hundreds of civilians dead and injured as two separate groups
of Filipino and foriegn
citizens remain hostage of the Abu Sayyaf.
and Moro Islamic Liberation
Front. All this and more as "Kumander
si Tsip?" and cronies prepare for a junket to Red
China on May 15. Novenas offered, masses said and virgins sacrificed
as entire world prays that the party take an Air Philippines jet on this
trip. The Abu Sayyaf recently rejected government's offer to
swap Imelda for all the hostages, claiming that such a move would be
"counterproductive" to their cause.
SALIM GROUP AND
MINDANAO
Is the
war in Mindanao being orchestrated so that
Suharto and his cronies can buy it from the Erapo da trapo government at
dirt cheap prices? Word is that after investing so much in
properties and utilities in Manila, the traffic situation is irking most
First Pacific stockholders. "We ain't all got helicopters,
like that short, pudgy fellow who runs this chicken outfit suing
consumer groups and helpless Filipino citizens left and right",
said a board member who remains anonymous.
THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE
Oh,
and having a few computers would be admittedly a big help in the
investigation, too. NBI to use and old telecom law to charge
hackers. Question is, why does this law apply only to individuals
and not to telco monopolies who continue to harass, abuse and terrorize
paying consumers? Oh yes, the application of the dual-law concept
of justice in the Philippines. One law for the poor consumer and
another for monopolies and rich Indonesian dictators.
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JUST A PATSY
Let history be the judge. A PLDT
virus is already in existence. Word around the IT community is
that a jilted lover of a ranking PLDT executive concocted the 'ILOVEYOU'
virus to spite his telco lover. A warning: Do not open email with
subject line "ILOVEYOU", and be especially wary of any email
coming from a 'pldt.com.ph'
address. They have been known to be disruptive, repressive, and
anti-Filipino. Now they are framing a hapless 12 year old boy with
a skyinet account. Skyinet is part of another monopoly which
includes a rival telco, Bayantel.
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PLDT ADS A SMOKESCREEN
The telephone company has all these fancy, expensive advertisements on
TV, radio and the newspapers. Why? Not for the quality of service,
that's for sure. Rather, what better way to keep a stranglehold on media
than the "hit 'em where it hurts" strategy. Media cannot
report on PLDT follies for fear of losing advertising revenue.
Ironically, all those fancy ads and expensive sponsorships are
paid for by- you guessed it- you. The average PLDT
subscriber/stockholder.
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TOURISM INDUSTRY
GETS A BOOST
The Secretary of the Department of Tourism yesterday
expressed joy yesterday upon learning about the war in Mindanao.
Finally, this may be the tourism boost we have been waiting for, she
said. "Now all the journalists will come over and their
passports will be stamped, making them genuine tourists, the first to
come to the country since Erap became President", she said.
"Except, of course, for those who were already previously
kidnapped".
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10% CELLPHONE TAX
This goes on top of an existing thirty
percent of taxes already added to phone bills by telcos. Public utilities,
like telephone companies, are allowed by law to pass on all operating costs to
consumers. This new ten percent tax will likewise
simply be passed on to cell phone users. It is yet to be announced
whether the Erap (nothing here)
government will soon tax people for gossiping. This chismis (gossip)
tax will greatly benefit us all, but may cripple Manoling Morato
for life.
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NOT-SO-SMART BANK RUN
A mild bank run was blamed on users of
Smart text phones, which are notoriously unreliable.
Apparently, text messages sent over PLDT systems to warn people of the
impending Urban Bank disaster appeared days after the event. And a
system flaw in the Smart network circuitry changes text letters/words in the PLDT
exchange network, sending depositors into withdrawal. A popular consumer
group has indicated plans to sue SMART Telecommunications for being an
oxymoron. As of publication time, PLDT/SMART executives and Skycap
Sleazy-r-we (TM)
Law offices were seen rushing to their telephone directories to
look up the meaning of the term oxymoron.
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BIGGEST BARRIER TO
INTERNET TELEPHONY
It
is against the law to sell Internet phone service in many countries -
including China, India, Thailand and the Philippines - because it upsets
regulated markets and jeopardizes the revenue stream of
government-protected monopoly carriers. It is also nearly impossible to
prevent in the long run."
-Asiaweek,
April 21, 2000, -with reporting in Manila by Alan C. Robles
To read the complete article (When Phone Calls Are Free), click
here.
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OVERHEAD BY PLDT LINEMAN
ERAP : "(incoherent, cough
cough) Manny, why is you always trying
to make my government look bad all the time in the news?"
Manny: "But, sir, we will never do that. Mr. Suharto,
este (rather), my fellow investors are fully supporting you".
ERAP: " So how come in the TV news, always after the bad
headlines, they say 'brought to you by PLDT'? Linoloko mo ba
ako? (are you
fooling my leg?)
Tsaka (and) next time, don't call me before eleven AM, OK?"
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HIGHWAY NAME
The last
time I heard,
there were no valiant heroes of Mindanao battles named
"Narciso". In a land of Abduls, Mohammads and a lot of
more interesting names, there appears the name of an Ilocano whose
contribution to Mindanao is yet unclear. Maybe that is why there is
so much fighting there, to remind politicians that there are things
more important to the Philippine economy than changing street names.
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